| Moved |
[Saturday 6th, 2007
@ 10:19PM] |
Moved to elsewhere betterrrr.
http://whatliesbeneathme.wordpress.com
due to the inconvenience of posting pixels.
i'm leaving for gooood. relink!
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| So near yet, so far. |
[Sunday 30th, 2007
@ 9:38PM] |
I can't seem to reach out to you, clutching you tightly to me seems so unachievable.
Basically,
awake > tuition > sleep > awake > study > dinner > comp.
That's about it for my day today. School starts late tomorrow, with only 3 lessons a day. So its like lesson for 1 1/2 hour > break > lesson again, and school ends at 0130. A break within all torments. Breaking through..
I really hope everything would end soon.. Get it done and over with. So sick of everything.
Lets hope, everything would be better tomorrow.
edits@0117am.
Mugging hard now. Studied Math > Chem > Social Studies
I don't wish to have any regrets, i wanna recieve my results and shed tears of joy, and happiness.. not having regrets. I want to do well. Having this confinement period from now all the way till 11th of Nov. Nothing's gonna obstruct my way of striving the best, getting my 13 points. Nothing. It means everything. Seriously, i hope ill do well. Guide me people. In the name of the god, i swear upon that i'll try my very best. I'm capable of it, c'mon Zoe.
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| So near. |
[Saturday 29th, 2007
@ 11:37PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 melancholy |
] |
O level is approaching. I have been having nightmares these nights. Its been a long time since i slept soundly. Would someone just watch over me and assure me everything's gonna be alright? Between me and hubs, its no surprise the people said that the first two months are the honeymoon months(although it doesn't apply to some (couples like line&ed. they just get even more stable) mmm. anyway, it seems like now i can live without him contacting me. probably im just so used to it? or is it some other reasons. but i didn't wanna think about these things as i know that it isn't the time. i should be focusing on my o's. How do i expect to get anywhere with 32points for L1R4. Hilarious eh. I just hope i'll do well. Someone just motivate me to study please? 13 points seems so far away. But when Pin Xuan(my tuition teacher) pointed it out, it seems like actually 13 points is achievable just whether i wanna work hard for it or not. I've barely a month. Its freaking me out. Its seriously is. I constantly live in fear, for fear that i'll not succeed in life, for fear without a good cert, i can't get anywhere far in my life, for fear without a good cert. its the end of everything.
tell me people, in the fear of everything, what should i do.
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| Just tell me this isn't true. |
[Friday 28th, 2007
@ 11:23PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
drained |
] |
I just bloody don't get it why my parents are bickering over a bloody fuckup kitchen. Its driving me mad. And it isn't doing any good to me. Just stfu!
i'm tired..
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| I kept having scenes of nightmare. |
[Sunday 23rd, 2007
@ 8:30PM] |
and i wake up finding myself crying out loud. sobbing and weeping my hearts out.. fatigue. im so tired. its repeating again. except this time, im really having the urge, im feeling so tired. its so hard to hold on. he never seems to make an attempt to change, as i look back. i used to be wilful, obstinate and unreasonable. but, i've change. probably not fully, but at least i don't throw my temper unnecessarily. yet, you don't realise it. five months on.. things are getting rocky. times whenever i needed you most, or i missed you terribly, i always can't get you. this relationship feels so empty, it isn't there all the time. sometimes its there, sometimes its not. its making me feel so unsecure. i don't get that sense of security. what you used to be in the past, is not what you are now. weeping as i type this entry. i seriously still hope there are still hopes for this relationship, i don't want this to come to an end. besides, we've walked this far. overcomed so much. yet, being defeated merely by this? i can't take this lying down. i don't know how much longer i can hold on.. but i'll hold on as long as i can.. there may be this burning flame in me, but a flame is still a flame.. one day it will be extinguished.. with all hopes gone, lost with the wind.. time.. time can be the best solution, or it could bring the worst of times.. i don't know which is which. i just so hope that we'll be able to be back to those times.. things are different now.. i plead, i beg. yet, you remain stagnant. i've lost all my dignity as a girl. i've stooped this low just for a better relationship, yet.. nothing's picking up. tell me, tell me what to do..
---
i feel so down, comfort me. hold me tightly, let me feel loved again will you?
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| So wrong.. So terrible.. |
[Sunday 23rd, 2007
@ 2:06AM] |
|
It just feels so wrong, which makes me feels so terrible. Nothing's going smoothly currently. This is just such a bad time. One month before my o's. Yet, there's so many things troubling me. I'm just not settled down. Im like on a rollercoaster ride. Up and whooosh, down. Just in a split sec. Seriously, i hate the feeling when you're together with them. Cause i feel so neglected, i feel so unwanted. Its kinda making sense that you're taking me for granted after the break-up. No, we did not break up. Please for goodness' sake. Don't bother to ask me anything about this entry. I'm like shedding now and then. The feeling is like... afraid to lose you? nah, i doubt so. seriously. more like a feeling i can't describe. I don't know, i just don't like it when you're with 'em. Cause if your friend can do this to his ex, i don't see why you can't. Or no, should i say i totally despise his fucking actions. Though i don't really like her, it doesn't mean i have to side him. Its so unfair to her. It makes me thinks that he's having both of his ways at his same time. Such people should have retribution yeah. Someday when he really fell for someone, i can't wait and hope that the girl toys with his feelings and bloooody ditch him far far away. I really don't give a damn whether he's your friend. Like you know, i hate whoever i wanna hate. I despise anyone who bloody gets on my nerves. It doesn't makes a difference if he's your good friend or not. Cause i'll still hate him the same way i hate jerks. This thought have been circulating my mind, would i be better off ... ? Probably you're the one who treated me the best, but you were the one who made me felt the worst too. I really feel so. Unwanted. Im not trying to get you to put me before your friends, but at least get a balance. If we were to be on a weighing scale, it seems like your buds are much more heavier, which in terms meant much more important to you. I can't take it that whatever mistakes i make are like so so so wrong, while i have to put up with yours. Don't bother, seriously. No one knows how terrible i feel, and what i'm totally going through. Okay, maybe yes. one or two things y'guys have experience. But it seems like all bad things are all coming at the same time. I used to think, i don't want anyone to change just to satisfy me. But it so happens i never seem once to apply this term on my own condition, why should i change myself just to make someone happy. It shouldn't be like this, if you choose to love me, accept my flaws. A month or so, this rubber band is gonna snap one fine day, by then it would be too late for regrets. Cause i've had enough. People are getting more and more stable as the months approach, as for us? I don't know. Judge for yourself. Seriously, im feeling so terrible. I often wonder, am i your girlfriend or am i not. I guess only you yourself knows the answer. I know you'll never read my blog, which turns out is probably a good thing as i think maybe this entry might just trigger off the start line of a quarrel. I typed this entry just to release my feelings, not to reprimand you or something. But some soul-searching to be done yeah. Cause, you're making me feel so terrible. So so terrible.
---
For goodness' sake. Don't ask/probe. Just drop the matter as it is, i have more than enough things to fret. Thanks for the concern, but no thanks. Im sorry if i sound harsh, but this is how terrible i feel right now.
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| I'm seeing stars.. |
[Thursday 20th, 2007
@ 9:18PM] |
|
woo, was helping my dumbant to search for games since i had nothing better to do as mom and bro is out and dad isn't back. (: the chinese wordings in the game website are like so fuzzy and many. sheesh, i can go blind man. anyway, school was alright today. and stayed back for art as usual. :D was a success again. had some progress. i'm looking forward to art everyday. ohman. and this means o'level is approaching soon. seriously. i'm worried. i failed my ss. such a disappointment. i was like at least expecting a pass. i didn't expect high grades as i knew i totally didn't understand questionC and D at all. But, it was so demoralising when i got back my scripts, sigh. I guess i just have to buck up, i don't know how to break the news to my parents. i don't want their hopes to die. I've been a good girl, at least better than the past. sigh. oh man. whatever. alright. gotta go. tata. xoxo.
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| Boredom invades! |
[Monday 17th, 2007
@ 11:21PM] |
Invasion by intruder, BOREDOM! Ahhhh, its gonna take over the planet Superland! No worries! Supergirl to the rescueeee. AHHHH. BOREDOM IS TOO STRONG! Defeated by boredom! sheesh. tsk, this is what happens when i'm feeling bored. sheesh, i'm so bored that i'm doing art when i've been doing art for the whole day. madness. so.. this is what i did.
Hahah, yayness mann. I know Yining dotes on me! I'm pampered! She bought pink water babies! I'm getting 'em from her. And they are going to have names. Double yay! The sky's getting dark, the night is getting younger. ohman. shucks. madness. i've multiple personalities. In the morning i'm Zoe, by afternoon i'm Lil.Miss Sunshine by night i'm Supergirl. HAHAHA! gosh. mad mad mad. saveeee me.
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| As promised |
[Monday 17th, 2007
@ 6:52PM] |
|
As promised, i uploaded the pictures. Heh. Wha, damnnn. How can Henry get 2 days MC when he's totally alright. Whereas the person who's truely sick is me, i only got 1 day MC. Zzz. Haha.
 \ gosh. anyway and this are our queue numbers. though near apart, but i like finished 45mins before them?! waited uber long. 
I'm 2263! Buy 4D yea. Anyway, and now for my water babieeeees! Take a look at them before they grow big.
alright, the one in packet is its original size. and the ones in water are growing slightly. heh, be ready for the big babies!
I like them when they're bigger. More gooey and fainter colour, which makes them look like pearls in bubble tea. Heard that they can be eaten. mmm, not sure whether is it true. But the paper said, not for oral consumption. mmm, so what is it. to eat or not to eat. Haha. Anyway, did my attachment wordings during SSP. Stayed for a long time. From 2plus all the way till 6plus. Gosh, tired.
Budding effect used! alright.. mmm. i'm like kinda into Mr.Men and Little. Miss now. And i like Little Miss Sunshine. So cute eh! Haha, would someone pls get me the junktees. Authetic one pls! Haha. I'll treat you like my saviour if you buy it for me!
aww... so cute! i really like it! haha. Alright, time for my show! I'm late! Heh. Tata.
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| I'm giving birth to water babieeees! |
[Monday 17th, 2007
@ 1:28PM] |
|
ooooh. In school's library now. Had Chemistry paper. was alrighhhhht i guess. mmm, headed to polyclinic after that. Got my mc. Went to popular and got my calculator and we bought water babies! Heh, so funnnn. Came back to school put them in mineral water bottle. Shall see it grow and split split split! Haha. Anyway, one funny thing. While Henry was pouring the babies into packets some dropped into Wanling's food. Sheesh, guess Wanling is going to have water babies in her tummmmy! Haha, she's really going to give birth to them. On the phone with hubs now. Heh, shall upload the pictures of my water babies later! :D and let y'all see the progress of them. Heh. I wanna buy pink colour ones. And give 'em names! Heh. Photos laterrr. TATA.
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| just a rough patch. |
[Sunday 16th, 2007
@ 2:28PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
gloomy |
] |
ended tuition on the dot at twelve. crapped with my mom and headed down for lunchie with her. heh, talked. she told me never to settle down to fast, flirt first! heh! i totally hella agreee mann. cool la. its like so seldom talking to my mom about these, mmmm. but it felt kinda weird too. heh.
alright, ohman. serious matters. my dear girl. cheer up. its just a rough patch you're going through. ohmanohman. this is just soooo not the right time. cheer up. sheesh. you still have us. i believe she'll be happier up there you know. must let her go, just like ghost whisperer. or she will never be able to go in peace if she knows you're in distress. so do your best and prove it to her that you'll excel in your studies. we'll stick through everything with you. within a blink of eye everything's going to just fine. cheer up. gosh, its just this unexpected. whenever you thought things was going smoothly it suddenly just go haywire. ohman. gosh. life is just this vulnerable. unexpected. treasure. cherish everything. it makes me feel like crying. its like we can't do anything about death. its all predestined. not something we're able to change. how sad can that be. ohman. sigh. guess the only thing we're able to do is to live our life to the fullest. brace up mannn! strive hard peeeps! look forward and never have regrets. sheesh, everyone out there is loved by me! -bigbearhugs- ): ): ):
|
|
| flipping, flip, flap. |
[Sunday 16th, 2007
@ 1:42AM] |
was just playing around with some photoshop. urg, hubs didnt call me. sheesh. guess he's tired. SUPERGIRL! there tuition early in the morning tomorrow. what are you doing here online?! mmm. tsktsk. i dont know.. i'm just BORED. entertain meee people! camwhored, was bored. i always camwhore when i'm bored. lol. eyecandies.
sweeeeetest. :D alright, off to bed soon. tata.
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| hellogoodbye! |
[Saturday 15th, 2007
@ 8:03PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
缺氧 - 杨丞琳 |
] |
Heh, found my love online. take a look!
its hellogoodbye! ;D their songs are reaaallly nice.
anyway, i have been slacking and texting on my cell. not doing of much revision for chem. it just seems so the my brain is shut la. (heh, excuses.) my throat is still hurting! mmm. we're supposed to be done with boards on monday. sheesh, i've only like got 4 boards. kinda little luh. anyway.. i found Aline's fave! she's always popping 'em into her mouth.
aiya, i'm bored. Someone bring my hubs here to me! Damn that watsons hoyu boss. Making hubs living in misery. He's like whiny just like a baby. lol, i pity him. But i can't visit him too. And he doesn't want. damn, i don't see such hubs in the world alright. lol. bored bored bored. hope prelims can be over soon. hope o'lvl can be over soon. sucha torture! i miss hubs! anyway, i feel some flirting occasionally is fine. just because you'll realise the one who's the one who's treating you the best. owells. just some random thoughts. haha. check this out.
awww. so sweet right.
to my precious hubs. its all predestined! we had the knot tied on 040507. no matter ups and downs, i'm sticking with you! being able to walk my life with you, makes me the happiest girl on earth! ;D
---
p.s!!, i love my gfs truckies tooo! ;D
so dear to me, ELIZABETH, WANLING,ALINE,JANET,YINING AND JOANNE!
though i don't have much close frds, but seriously. with 6 of them.
i would choose to sarcrifice the others and keep the other 6 with me, ever and ever. for eternity. (:
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| Art attack! |
[Saturday 15th, 2007
@ 2:48PM] |
|
bwah. there's this art attack show in the past. and i reaalllly like it. heh. anyway, here's my art work. urg, ugly! ahhh! *screams and run away with my eyes closed* 
|
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| Zombie on the releaseee! |
[Saturday 15th, 2007
@ 2:22PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
peaceful |
] |
oh yeahh people. the zombie's on the releaseee! sheesh. lol, i slept at 5am yesterday. chatting online. and that damn friendster was in maintenance! shucks mann. sooo. my mom is out now, and she's getting KFC for me! mmmm. yum. i just realised many people are amused by my cheesywussy friendster picture. lol. i'm unique! heyho! :D alright, off to chat! shall do my art later.
alright, cute chinese lessons of the day! heh.
give me yi bei kekokele = give me a cup of coke
xiao da da sheng = laughs out loud
credits credits! (:
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| Lame ant VS Dumb Yak! |
[Friday 14th, 2007
@ 11:52PM] |
Haha, lame ant VS dumb yak! The battle begins. One is crippled while the other is dumb and neurotic in the brains. Sheesh. Who will win? I guess none, cause both are equally lousy. Anyway, i'm skipping art prelims on Monday after Chem. Leaving school to get MC with dumb ant and frds. Woot, sucha a relief. No art prelims! :D
I'm booored luh. What can i do? Dumb ant must be viewing my blog now. Heh. Sheesh, i saw Meanie's tattoo. So preeeetaye! I want one too. Bod arts rocks! (:
Anyway, been ages since i last swam and tan, anyoneee out there pls ask me to go to Sentosa? I know it ain't the right time. But i wanna tannnnnn so badly <i>luh</i>.
Sheesh, some people entertainnnn meee pls! I'm bored!
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| Cracking that nut |
[Friday 14th, 2007
@ 8:49PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
drained |
] |
woah. Livejournal's html is one tough nut to crack, i spent hours just to get this simply design okaaaay. Its damnnnn hard. Anyway, surprise surprise. Meanie came to contact me. Been ages since i last talked to him. Lol, and he's trying to persuade me to join Republic Poly. Depends <i>luh</i>. Anyway, hubs is sucha liar. He said he would call after his work, but he never did la. TOOOOOOOT! Hate him. Alright, am bushed. Shall blog tomorrow and post pictures about my art progress. (: xoxo.
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| Ages, years ago... |
[Friday 14th, 2007
@ 2:58PM] |
|
Aww, its been ages since i last posted. Missed the lappie. Anyway, life's been alright i guess. What else? hubs, studies and sleep. lol, thats all. Yep, currently in art room. Taking a break, am so tired. Urg, hubs is soooooo tooot can! Asked him to call me, then he ask me call him. Sheesh. Anyway, prelims is about to end. Had Geography Paper today, guess it was alright! (: My hands will be hellas full later i guess. I've got my art stuff, lappie and bag! GOSHHHHHH. Waiting till 4.30pm for Joanne to be back. Cause all chinese people are leaving. Later abandon her is like sooo. yea. you know what. Anyway, i'm not meeting hubs so doesn't make a difference. My throat's hurting. Tingling pain, hurts at time. Anyway.... eyecandies up!
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| Accomplished, S-A-T-I-S-F-A-C-T-I-O-N! woot. |
[Sunday 5th, 2007
@ 12:47PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
Woot, i feel the accomplishment and satisfaction in me. Seriously, i TOTALLY regret not starting private tuition earlier. SUPER BENEFITING. Anyway, i think i've confidence that i'll pass my prelims. (: Must prove to my parents! Yessss! I can do it mannnn. C'mon Supergirl! Powers of determination and perseverance! Lol, anyway. woke up around 9. Revised while waiting for Pin Xuan to come, and had tuition till 12.30pm. So here i'm online for a break, would be back to work later. Doing Maths and Social Studies essays. Gosh, formula 10/25 is a KILLLLLER! 100 essays! Gosh, heavens. Lol, aite. I'm in a good mood. I feel like studying. Woot, better get going. Seeeee ya.
And thanks Aline for the oh so sweet wish luh! ;D
Hope everyone starts mugging hard for prelims! Its just round the corner. Plenty of loves! (: I want big bear hugggg! It works miracles! ;D
When i dreamt that i lost you, it felt like the sky came crashing down on me.
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